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| I have no words but I feel so much...
I want to drive to you to find out that you still exist because you are disappearing, slowly but surely.
Disappearing but still you haunt me in my sleep every night like clock work, why?
I hope you are happy now that you have rid your life of me finally
If only I could do the same... | | |
| Been reading Dance Dance Dance and it's changing my view of life slowly... perhaps positively.
Here's one of my favourite quotes from the book:
"With machines, the feeling is, well, more finite. It doesn't go any further. With humans, it's different. The feeling is always changing. Like if you love somebody, the love is always shifting or wavering. It's always questioning or inflating or disappearing or denying or hurting. And the thing is, you can't do anything about it, you can't control it. With my Subaru, it's not so complicated."
Yes, sometimes I wish I was a machine, everything would be simpler because I'd feel nothing but I am a human and therefore I must accept the ever-changeability of human emotions. I don't want to give myself excuses to regret anymore, for I am fully responsible for what will or will not happen for me between us. At least, now I know, I am ready to love again, if you'd only let me. | | |
| In my heart, you're kept in my little box of fond memories.
There, you'll always be loved.
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.
See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free
And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang
Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words. | | |
| These two little words made me start to re-evaluate my life, my past, my whole being... Funny how it takes someone who doesn't know me at all to hit me in the head with a wake-up call.
Who the fuck are you, Amanda Lee? he seemed to have asked with those two words. Why do you act this way? Do you have no shame? Do you have no self-respect?
No... I thought. You're right, I don't.
Tears came drowning me whole. Drowning me with waves of sharp teeth. I don't deserve love because I don't love myself. I know that. Have always known it. But I can't change it. I've tried but it's even harder than changing my diet. And that's hard. Why can't you accept that I won't change. Nobody ever does. My mom won't. I won't.
This isn't even about my mom, don't know why I brought her up... or maybe it is, deep down, everything goes back to my mom.
This entry is meant to be about men. About men I love to hate and hate to love. About men who love and hate me at the same time. They hate me for exactly the same reasons as they love me. Every single one of them. No exceptions. Lovers and lovers all the same. They used me, I used them but I always got hurt deeper. I play the game but I never learned the way to win, so I end up losing every time.
I know how to give pleasure but I am far from pleasant. They all knew that and if they don't now, I know they will... It's only a matter of time. And these days, this time gets shorter and shorter... Maybe it's for the best.
I want to delete it, delete it all. Like text messages that you once treasure because the words in them used to put a smile on your face, like text messages that you had to get rid of one day because the words in them stab you right in the heart, I wish I could delete my past as thought it were a text message, a meaningless text message.
I have deleted all your text messages, now, tell me how I can delete my past. | | |
| The Alex Garland-Danny Boyle team has once again prove to be as good a team as Wes Anderson-Wes Anderson, early Woody Allen-Woody Allen or Charlie Kauffman-Michel Gondry/Spike Jonze combo's.
Like The Beach, 28 Days Later and now with Sunshine, Alex Garland clearly has a love for setting his stories in specifically confined spaces - an almost untouched island, a deserted country and space respectively - with the same theme running in all of his novels and screenplays - a world that has become unlivable that eventually forces a group of people to make god-awful decisions in order to survive or be free.
It is as simple as that but what i love about his writing is precisely this simplicity that lets his readers/ audience get much deeper into the minds of these psychologically and emotionally conflicted characters.. Garland makes sure we, as his audience, understand that there are many many difference solutions to each problem and that although his protagonists may physically survive... or in some cases, become emotionally liberated, the issue lies somewhere else. As grippy as the action goes in the films, in the end, it's not about whether or not these characters get to survive or be free.
The question is how did it all happen? In The Beach, why did this group of tourists end up on a deserted island in the middle of the pacific ocean Thailand? How did the epidemic get spread the way it did in 28 Days Later? Why is our planet dying to begin with in Sunshine? all these characters seem to thrive for a kind of utopianism and yet, it is precisely the same group of individuals who has the same ideals that had created the problem before the films even begin.
What exactly does Garland want to tell us about the contradictions present in the human mind?
I cannot wait until his next film - Halo - comes out.
| Currently Watching
Sunshine
By Chris Evans, Benedict Wong, Cillian Murphy, Cliff Curtis, Michelle Yeoh
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